HEALTHY? NLP WEALTHY? Jim WISE? Matheson JOYFUL?
Over half of all marriages end in divorce.
Which half would you like to be in?
In the past ...
Did you choose someone?
- like one of your parents
- to please you
... in the future ...>
Will you choose someone?
- like you, or not like you
- to grow and learn and share with
Of course it was your 'fault' - at least to the degree that you take personal responsibility
First there is infatuation.
Then comes love.
Then comes marriage or it's equivalent.
And in over 50% of the cases in North America, then comes divorce.
How can that be? How can love turn into such acrimony?
And was it really love in the first place?
To answer that we have to define what love is.
True Love means complete acceptance without reservation, which most people would agree, is a pretty tall order and difficult,
if not impossible, to maintain over a long period of time. Or not. What happens to people in relationships is that they "fall in love"
rather than act lovingly. They see themselves in others and they like what they see and they interpret the feelings that come as love. And then
when these two people begin to get on each others nerves, the mirror cracks a little and doubt creeps in. And then anger can begin to fill
the cracks. And before we know it, love as we knew it is gone.
Actually love is not really gone because it was never really there. What was there was our projection of love onto the other
person. As soon as we change that projection when our mirror no longer pleases us, we begin to project other emotions and the cycle of
To remain in love, we must be fully present and acknowledge that when we feel love, it is not the other person causing this
love. It is us creating the experience when looking at our mirror, the other person.
Love, like everything else in life, can change. Or at least our perspective about it can change. We know we are loving when we
Love, is a choice we make. We choose to be loving in response to stimuli. No, not like some controlled lab experiment but out
there in the real world with multiple variables and only one constant, us. We are the creator of love in our life. It is not given to us by our
partner, parents, friends or even our pets. We choose when and where to create and feel it, even when those choices are made unconsciously rather
than consciously. The objective of course, is to create love more consciously as we evolve.
Sigh. It all seems so ... well unromantic. Actually it is the most romantic experience imaginable and all completely within our
choice to experience when and how we like and with whom.
So what does all this mean?
So many times our partner seems to change and become someone we did not bargain for initially. Sometimes they disappoint, even
abuse us. Sometimes worse. How can we avoid that?
By being fully present and noticing what you did not notice before when you were projecting love onto the other person. By
recognizing that you can choose to love this person even if you choose to not live your life with them.
How is that possible?
There are many ways. Some people turn to denial. Some to drugs. Some to violence or distance. And some to love. Those who are
most conscious and present will always choose love because they understand that the energy and emotions we give out are the ones that return to
us. If not now, then later.
And so we make a choice. Sometimes it is difficult to be loving and we find it hard to understand how to create
it with that person anymore. It's possible whenever there is love.
If you would like to talk more about love and how to create it in your life, please contact me.
And if you are with or have met someone and are wondering what the future might hold for you together, please
click here now.
You really understand that love means acceptance, complete acceptance, of both yourself and another
All your relationships will suck unless you have a good relationship with yourself. To put it simply, you can't share what
you don't have.
Now that we have that out of the way, Let's get started....
If you are looking for love in the wrong places, ask yourself where the right place is.
If you are looking for love outside of yourself, ask yourself what you fear, or what you are worried about.
If you are looking for the love of another, ask yourself what you have to give.
If you have found the love of another, ask yourself why it is that you are here now.
If you have been hurt by love, have you:
- taken responsibililty for your hurt
- been fully present with your hurt or have you avoided it or tried to avoid it
- been able to love the other person again
Do you really understand that love means acceptance, complete acceptance of both yourself and another?
Looking for a friend? Are you already what you seek? If not, how can you expect to find what you are not.
... this article is to be continued at a later date ...
Yeah, sure. Now tell me how to find Mr. Right.
First, think about the relationship, not the person you seek, but the relationship you desire. You begin with the end result in
mind. That's how thoughts begin to become reality. You create your ideal relationship by envisioning in detail what it will be like to be with
- How will you interact
- How it feels to wake up together each day
- How you speak with each other
- Where you go together
- Cooking together
- Walking together
- Sharing precious moments
- Sharing hopes and dreams
- Loving where you live together
- Sharing finances
- etc. etc
Create only love in your mind.
.... to be continued ....
Looking for a soul mate?